blakereflected

Scattered amongst the stars

Is a life that has felt scars

Amongst a pain that does persist

Is an angel living through the mist

In life, good company she had made

To the heavens, her soul, she has gave

Laughter is subdued by all of our tears

A life too perfect, to an end so near

Our thoughts do question, why is this so

Where is this angel, where did she go

She left you longing for us to stay close

For her love for us, was more than most

I beckon to the wind and look to the shore

I ask is this real, where is the door

Calling her name is what we can do

Seeing the pain, dampened by dew

I love the path that my friend made

Her soul now travels, her body is laid

The days are long

The years have been short

My mind inside carries thoughts through the dark

I miss my friend

I miss her laugh

I wonder now, what is her path

God can be harsh, life is so hard

But her breath was so soft, eyes lit like the stars

Her name was Amanda, and she was my friend

I wish in my life, hers did not sadly end

But I am certain she lived a life f...

On Sunday April 1st, 2018, my grandfather, my Popper, sadly passed away. He lived a very long, full life, of 94 years, but towards the end the fight he always had to keep living finally ended. He is the father of my dad, Walter Horsley, and my uncle, Peter Horsley. He was a man I always looked up to and deeply admired for the courage and pride he always carried and always displayed. He was a great man, one who fought for Canada and the rest of the world throughout the Second World War. In 1944 he landed on Juno Beach at D-Day and helped the Canadian army win won of the most important battles of that tragic World War. Though the war was a tragedy in so many ways, to my family, the Horsley family, it was also a very special blessing in disguise we all cannot deny. In that war, while stationed in Belgium, he met his future wife, a Belgian war Bride named Monique. He swept her off her feet and brought her home, to Canada, after the war ended, soon marrying her and starting the family that...

Steadily you write

As ashes hit the paper

Awake, though it is late

The night has come and so you wait

You dreamt tears of sadness

A pain that is deep within

A pain that seems, has always been

You dreamt and woke

It’s almost easier to be awake

For even in bed, you cannot hide from it

Where is the shore surrounding this empty abyss

You don’t know what you want, and yet it’s everything you miss

The blankets consume you, no longer with comfort

What is real

Is all of it pain

How can you feel, alone, wanting more

The rain does not fall, on this cold dreary day

The rain does not come; a bedroom’s ceiling blocks the way

If I could have started again

I know I would have lived different

If I could have started again

Would the pain have been lifted

I stay in bed until the night turns to black

Eyes glued to nothing, except thoughts of a broken reflection

One trying to go back

My only voice, scribbled on line paper in the middle of the night

Depression is just a part of this sickness

Depression feels like God’s love has been...

Is such a poem near or far

Are such words laid out like the stars

When you breathe do you choke on the choices you make

Is it life for granted with those drugs that you take

Sniffing and snorting, while you’re father is asleep

Fallen into heaven, making unnatural leaps

Oxycontin is the medicine, a pill in powdered form

Calm is the outcome, then drowning in a storm

As you lie awake, you itch from yesterday

Scratching weathered skin, now burning and blistering

Your scars, you cannot hide, not even without mirrors

You write thoughts of suicide, your own words you now fear

Tomorrow you will stop, you say this everyday

Tomorrow has now come, tomorrow is today

Kissing to stop time

Holding hearts in a night that shines

Walking through the vines, touching broken branches

Floating above ground, having infinite chances

The pendulum does not swing

Two voices connect, two voices sing

Crazy and calm, this can’t be a dream

Past is now silence, pain cannot scream

Love finds its place through all of this comfort

Love will not race in all we now run with

Two lovers repeating the words they already know

Telling each other over and over, they will never let go

Discovering new reasons to never think of leaving

Running through seasons, that change while they’re dreaming

Songs play now, like gifts from an angel

Songs that are written, telling beautiful tales

You held my heart

You kept me warm

You are my strength

Through yesterday’s storm

There is nothing in our way

There is only today

And I am not writing about someone else

You know who you are

You don’t deny all we have felt

So I’ll start time again and wait to see you, so very soon

And kiss you tomorrow, under Saturday’s moon

A breath lifts birds into flight

A breath gives strength to all life

The wind carries your body to journey’s end

A journey that does not bend, one will not pretend

You breathe alone

You breathe in good company

You breathe at home

You choke on one’s suffering

Left in the cold, you beg to come in

Always you’re told, is this how to live?

You climb the highest peak

You kneel on the shore

Finding the right words to speak

Begging life, pleading for more

Is this the life you expected?

Is this your dream perfected?

Why are you lost, why are you left in,

This place,

This stage,

This room?

You breathe, you can’t find your breath

You breathe, lost in regret

You breathe, not knowing what’s left

You breathe, as prayers are now debt

Words are formed, like a cluster of birds

With purpose or so it seems

Unified to those who speak

Tied to all, strong or weak

And so you leave your room and breathe

And so you fly, with the birds you see

The night keeps me awake

Staring through the ceiling

To a dark sky forever kneeling

I’m so far from so much

I’m so close to myself

I hear a voice

Not my own

Not in my own home

Though right now I’m alone

I ask it, where am I now?

Falling in the universe

Laying to gravity

Flying to the heavens

Asking to be let in

Time ticks seconds into daylight

Waking and never sleeping

Speaking and never seeing

Living and always dreaming

Selfish to a sunlit sky

Humbled by a weakness one can’t deny

Surrounded by so many faces

Only a day could wake them

And bring them back to the same night of all places

I move so far

Under the same ceiling

The one I look to

To the stars

I hear a voice

And I’m alone

 

You hear a voiceless song

Blind from all that you have done

Dancing to a static beat

Dancing for the stars to see

Empty is this room so big

Slipping in a hole you dig

Relive the days because you can

Fall off the path, and you’ll still stand

You are here

You’re everywhere but here

You are here

Everywhere, and near

Let go of mistakes

Hold onto choices

They’re yours to make

Screaming so many voices

You are special inside you see

You can live, you’ll always be

The sky changes for all it shelters

There is no yesterday in its colours

Fall off the path and you’ll still land

Find your place

To simply stand

The pain was so obvious

As we both say in god we trust

The walls came down

I showed you everything

I show you everything

Why am I still hiding

Why am I still ashamed

Do I even know my own name

The morning is here and I have slept

The night is gone for I have wept

This path is long as I have stepped

You are with me for you I’ve let

Broken lights force me to open blinds

Let’s be selfish and see the sun

Let’s be selfish and not be done

I don’t want to hide

I’ve already torn down walls

I clean off past guilt everyday

What defines me I ask myself

Is it what I show you

Or is it what I don’t do

The sun hides behind clouds

The morning begins by taking a bow

This apartment, high up, feels underground

And though I am content, I cannot look down

The abuse breaks words

The abuse breaks thoughts

Scribbling line after line

Scribbling a covered mouth throughout stolen time

Past inspirations get put in the corner of the room

Past realizations get lost in one’s doom

Imperfections are so honest

They become so real they must be perfection

Imperfections are your voice

With thoughts that have no choice

Kiss me before you go

For your distractions, I’ll miss them so

Scribbled thoughts rest on crumpled pages

This life is ending throughout all ages

You can’t remember what made you write in the first place

You look in a broken mirror and see not your own face

And so you save the next page

For this empty paper you dare not waste

You’ve seen the world through your window

And so you gather all that belongs

You’ve seen the world through empty eyes

And so you listen to a silent song

I screamed in sleep

Drowning in dreams

Drowning so deep

Past week decisions caught up to me

Panic attacks weighed down on me

Pop another pill, it will help

And so I did, taking a big gulp

Antipsychotics that leave me robotic

Blind diagnostics

Medicated optics

It happened again

And I just couldn’t stop it

I woke not knowing where I went

Pain was gone, for it was sent

My mind, an empty space up for rent

And the thoughts were lent, back to the heavens above

Back to the hell, the place I seem to just love

Get me back onto my feet

Get me back on my own street

Give me back my only heartbeat

The hard, the soft

The pills I pop

It has to stop

Or the knife I’ll drop

I puke the misery of yesterday

I call for the mystery of everyday

I ask the sky, make mistakes go away

But here I am

And here I’ve stayed

Wondering why, the drip wont dry

Wondering why, I try and try

The sky leaves me small in a world so big

My own grave exists, as I've begun to dig

I‘ve fallen in the hole

Hanging on to all I love

I wish I could fly

Like the birds...

Stained are the tracks

Leaving it all back

Walking to the sound

Not even touching your ground

Wasted in space

In a time one can't trace

High on the chemicals

While counting all decibels

He talks and you listen

Minds wander through prisms

Wanderlust is felt through a rising cold sun

The day has just started but should be now done

The neighbours still lie, minds dreaming in beds

The neighbours could wonder where you were led

Whispers you make for you must not reveal

For high you now are, so unnatural you feel

You ask to go out to just be alone

But paranoia leaves you frozen in a place not your home

Drugs started with drinks, but turned into choice

Drugs make thoughts so loud, drowning one's voice

This place is a heaven that won't last the day

You'll end up in bed, having questioned your way

You now feel good, so presence you crave

You have one last line, you know you can't save

Let it all go, let it just be

Hold on and self-medicate

Hold on and you'll see

Words hit the paper through held bleeding pens

Words whose beginnings are shaping all ends

Love is the lust that all words do chase

Love is the middle in all we do race

Speaking through thought in a room shared by many

Thinking in a world that sometimes feels empty

Pain is persisted in a trance so pursued

Healing is resisted and felt by so few

Letting go of distractions and all our confusion

Holding onto one’s focus that targets delusion

Slipping and born but forced to stay up

Balanced and torn, not spilling one’s cup

Life is ridiculous as death is so certain

Life begs to wonder, what’s left behind curtains

Blind to the light, one that does wake

Seeing through dark as days done do all make

Too many thoughts leave too many words

When peace is so fought, and thoughts are not heard

Silence becomes practise in company by so many

Silence is nothing, but is the most heavy

Left alone with your words life begs all for its purpose

Left alone with all meaning, is all said now all worth it

I've lived through the lines...

The voices scatter

Talking to city streets

Saying words that don’t matter

Talking to the crowd inside

While a racing heart beats

Left alone with a mind that remembers

Writing words with a pen that scribbles madness

In a book that clutters thoughts left alone

Smoke settles in a dim lit room

If I could start again

I wouldn’t let the blood hit the page

I wouldn’t let the blood hit the floor

I would not bleed

The ground twelve stories down buries the noise

The window carries my voice

To a God I just can’t hear

To a place that is not near

To a fire lit with all my fear

For I am here

And I bleed

While I stand

Confusion guides one upside down

Gravity shifts sideways and from the ground below

Choices are drowned by the world’s voices

Noises are carried to an empty room

The wall begs to be written on

The pages are only one

Distracted by the guilt from yesterday

Retracted from the path of history

The clock moves forward, and one does not

One simply sits, barely moving from one spot

Pacing and pacing, dreaming of chasing

Thoughts shift from questions to conclusions

Conclusions shift to afflicted, affected delusions

The will is strong, but tired and stalled

The will is life, in a place shared by all

To see through the vine, to see through the ghost

To see through the cracks, one sees the most

Empty is the body with a mind that is heavy

Wanting to go forward, wanting and not ready

Letting go of the spirits, letting go of the departed

Letting go of the home, the place it all started

Praying to silence, listening to violence

Peace is a moment, a fleeting persistence

Confusion distracts from understanding existence

Breathin...