So what did I do when I wanted to die? I took a symptom of my mania and channeled it into a symptom of depression. I wrote. I channeled that symptom into my room, with shut blinds, and barely any light. I wrote reasons. I made choices.
This is that chapter. This is my mind coming to grips with my reflection.This is the power of words, and the potential beauty they can inspire. It starts at home. It ends with you.
When the seat in which I sit, the size of the earth in which I explore, becomes so beautiful that my mind can no longer accept it to be real, my reality becomes controlled by the very imagination that tries so hard to understand it.
I force myself to journey away from the very heaven I have found and I am left alone with myself and the ripple in the water in which my reflection lies. As I look into his being I find only ugliness as my mind cannot escape the eyes staring back. Fighting to choose whether to breathe, to live, and to keep my candle a flame as the world I share with my reflection smothers and blinds me from the universe in which I now feel abandoned, I have no choice but to decide.
The Tiger In The Water
Do I leave the knife where it lies, or take it, so that I can esape the heaven I no longer can find? The universe, through all this, I fear, more than anything. My life, through all this, I hate even more.
This book is a conversation I had with myself.