Paralyzed By The Past

April 7, 2020

The past fills me with running thoughts

Mistakes I have made, over and over

Again and again

What keeps me breathing is the love of my friend

But I disappoint even myself

Am I worthy of a better life?

Do I dare handle the knife?

Breaking, not broken

Living, not dying

Can’t even begin to start crying

Paralyzed in a dreamlike state

While I sleep, no longer awake

And so I dream again for tomorrow to take me

Guided by my inner hatred

Of a life, so naked

Waking is exhausting

Tired, not even walking

Pain is so hard

But so easy to write

Blinded by day, guided by night

I want to change

God knows I do

But stuck in my thoughts is all that’s new

I did drugs

I’ve decided no more

For the sadness and hopelessness

Turns the next day

Into the next night

Sober today

Recovered from yesterday

Far from a couple days ago

I can’t take any of it back

For reaching towards the past is everything I lack

Change your life

Change your way of thinking

Keep your eyes open

Without even blinking

You’re all right

It’s okay

Let go of the past

Hold onto today

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