Lost Stream

When it is I who hurts so much

When it is I who won’t find such

When it is I who can’t escape

In a life I chase, in an existence whose sense I just can’t fake

Where do I venture

How do I leave

Are we in heaven

If so, why do I grieve

Empty and weightless is my gravity

Surrounded by so much, is what I see

I embrace this pain, kneeling on the ground

I embrace this time, forgetting thought, feeling found

But I hurt, as my thoughts are guided to carry so much sound

Where do they go, where do they come from

Why are there so many, and yet I feel lonesome

Why are they heavy, and yet I can’t stay in one place

Why do I escape thee, and yet I cannot find face

For even my reflection does not leave a bitter trace

And this, a never ending obstacle, that chooses to not stay

As I, all too often, end in the same place

On every, different day Where am I

Where am I

Who am I To you I am someone else

To you I am a knife you have felt

Stabbing in your stomach, cutting off your air

With a grip of the knife, I cannot let go

For I see your fear, and I am scared

We are both not prepared

To let go of the blade, to pull out the pain

The thought of leaving you alone, leaves me insane

I am insane, I am insane

I drive through traffic, cutting through lanes

Where does this stream of consciousness take me

What does this existence make me

Who am I talking to

I just can’t face the

Fact

That

I

Am

Something to contend

Something to comprehend

When I cannot see where I am

And thus I cannot see an end

Streaming down river

Swallowing so much lithium

I can’t bear to see my liver

I scrape the medal

I scrape the smooth handle

I cut myself

Stitching the wound back together with slivers

Where do I go, where do I go, where do I go, where do I go

Where

Am

I

Where

Am

I

Am I

Where do I stay

Where do I run

Where do I lie

Why

Do I not die

Why do I not cry

Why am I scared

Why am I not

Are you prepared

This does not make sense

My mind is a paragraph, my body is bent

And these are just words as permanent as my thought

Which isn’t

Permanent

For it is merely loaned

And I am merely bought

This is just free, in a mind that just wants to see, leaving no words to be fought

And right now, I do not think, I merely talk

Let them come out

Let them escape

For it is the void inside, that keeps me awake

For it is the noise inside, that helps me forsake

For it is the joy I find, that I cannot bear fake

As my holes open up

As my holes begin to gape

I am stable

As I see a man walking and able

As I see a land that I try and fit in a book that I rest on a table

As I look at my reflection

And it is I that I label

For I have been told a fable

For I am unable

To think clearly

Without

My

Medication

This is thought

This is not contemplation

This is letting it out

And then seeing what you can think

I pause

I blink

I think, because I don’t know what I am saying

I don’t understand

I don’t know what else to write

For

I

Have

Lost

Sight

And I feel

Lost

Tonight

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