Sharing Loneliness

I walk

Through the halls with bare walls

Socks sweeping the seemingly dustless floor

What day is it? People stare from their rooms

Leaving their escape only as big as the crack in the glass

The air is stale

Loneliness is a shared state, in a psychiatric ward that is a new world

I am heavy, I am exhausted

I have nowhere to go, and so I go, back and forth, back and forth

As I walk, I want to run

As I imagine running, I want to scream

As I scream, I open my eyes, for I am only dreaming

As I pace, in this indoor race

I can’t fight this fact

The memory always comes back

In these bare walls, this empty hall, this sick place

Contagious, with a loneliness I cannot escape

I drape myself in this heavily medicated sober state

I am nowhere

But want to hide

Pacing alone, on a lone table, unstable, understanding my own insanity

Leaning on walls, my existence contained

I run, I fall, blinded by artificial light and unbreakable walls

Why did I come here

It is safe, there is no knife, but this isn’t life

A patient comes up to me and gives me a clementine

He does not speak English, but I understand his language

He is showing me something, and so, I accept his offering

This may not feel like living in the real world

But even good contained can be shared

And so, I smile at him, as he just stares

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